I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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