She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
