I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
