i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
