There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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