To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
