my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
