she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
