Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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