weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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