don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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