Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Fuck appropriateness.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
