wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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