Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
