small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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