i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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