Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
