i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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