Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
