then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
