Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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