New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
