I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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