I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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