I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
