He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'm really busy with my period
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