Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
