Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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