He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
