K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.