I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE