so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies