why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
