i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
where are my pants?
in the oven.