I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?