3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat