I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
