Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
