I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
