Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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