Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
