haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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