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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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