DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
