like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
