that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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