dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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