Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
