I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
