We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
