the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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