I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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