The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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