When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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