that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
