I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
