I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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