Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
