I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
