so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
