She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
