I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is Oprah even human
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
