The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
