Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
