look no pants
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
