Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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