I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Pappa wants mamma naked
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
