Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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