i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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