Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
