I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize