we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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