I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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