We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
