My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
