its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
