WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So. Much. Porn.
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