i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
