This is not my ceiling
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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