All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
