in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
