i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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