The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
