somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
