If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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