Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
