Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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