I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
